This post has nothing to do with the future or the past but has a lot to do with the present. Of course you say there is no present without the past and I say the past present and future are all attached. If you understand that what you do right now, has cumulative results in the future you can start living in the present. There also are no huge leaps forward but a slow and steady building up of experience and practice. Are you prepared to live your dream? There are no shortcuts to having something substantial and difficult to attain. Even if it was handed to you have you been preparing yourself for the heavier demand that is part of higher function? Athletes work for years to become major leaguers or pro’s, musicians spend thousands of hours in concentrated , ongoing and incremental practice. How does your life story compare to this? Higher functionality is like lifting a 500 pound weight. You start with a smaller weight and work your way up.
The point is there is so much music out there right now that you have to be brilliant to cut through. You have to study, practice, read, write ,record, play in an ensemble, discuss, read poetry or literature, analyze existing music [in your genre] and do all of this on a daily and continual ongoing basis. Someone smarter than me said ” Music is easy to create but difficult to master”
You may have to disconnect your dreams and fantasies from your concept of musical success and you absolutely need to disconnect your ego when you start playing music with others.